


About Lovers You No Longer Love But Can't Forget

by Open_Knowledge



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Cold Feet, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, F/M, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Insecure Dean Winchester, Light Angst, M/M, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 09:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16261448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Open_Knowledge/pseuds/Open_Knowledge
Summary: In the middle of planning his wedding with Dean, Castiel reflects on the other only relationship that ever came close to theirs.





	About Lovers You No Longer Love But Can't Forget

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally nothing but it wouldn't leave me so i had to get it out of my system.

* * *

 

If there is something Castiel is sure of, is that he is completely and utterly in love with Dean Winchester.

It had taken them too long to finally realize their feelings for each other, and even longer to finally take the final leap and get together the way they so desperately wanted to since they had met two years ago. It was beautiful and tragic and everything else because of course it had to be like that with them. There was never anything easy and simple when it came to Dean and Castiel, it was the law of nature.

And even though Castiel loved Dean with every fiber of his being, for some unknown reason, in the middle of planning their wedding, Castiel finds himself thinking about the other only person he ever loved as much as he loves Dean.

Meg Master was beautiful in the way tragic love stories were beautiful. She was the thorn instead of the rose, but still even more beautiful than the rose could ever be. She was harsh in the way someone is when they have known pain no one would ever wish on their worst enemy. She was crass and loud and feisty and delicate and broken in all the best ways possible. She was a thrill that everyone enjoyed but could only take in small doses or otherwise you could overdose on her.

Castiel had loved her so much he hadn't cared for anything else other than living the thrill of her essence and drowning in her the way he couldn't have on anything else. Meg had been everything Castiel had ever wanted. Sometimes she was too much, other times nothing at all, but she was still undeniably everything Castiel had ever craved then.

He looks over at Dean fast asleep, seeing the long, curled lashes over freckled cheeks, lips full and pink. It's different with Dean, so much different than it had been with Meg. And he doesn't know why he's thinking about it now, why all of a sudden Meg has crept back into his mind after four years of not seeing her, but she's there unexpectedly like she always is. It had taken getting a glimpse at her at a small dive bar and small conversation to bring back everything he had ever felt when he had had her.

The problem with Meg, however, had been that there was no balance, no middle ground. With Dean, there is, there's always some neutral territory they can both escape to when they feel things are getting to be too much. And it's funny to think that their relationship is the most stable relationship Castiel has ever been in because Dean and Castiel are as dysfunctional as anyone can get.

Castiel mulls over it as the days pass, going through picking flowers for the wedding, worrying over what colors match with what colors, what centerpieces look better on the tables, Meg is present in his thought every second of it all.

He's so distracted that it has worried Dean, but Castiel is so lost in thought he doesn't notice and Dean doesn't mention it.

It's only three weeks later, they're getting in an argument over some petty thing that he really doesn't remember when Dean brings it up.

"Are you trying to get out of this, Cas?!" The silent desperation and the watery green eyes he adores so much make Castiel pause, taking a moment to asses the situation.

"What?"

"Are you getting cold feet? Is that it?"

Castiel is so confused he doesn't respond and Dean seems to take it the wrong way before he turns away as the first tear falls.

"You've been out of it for three weeks now, man. It seems like the closer the big day gets the more you're pulling away," Dean says, and the way the words are whispered break Castiel's heart because it is not like Dean Winchester to sound so insecure. "I'm worried, Cas because if you're planning to leave me at the alter I'd rather you not make me go through the humiliation and end it with me now."

Castiel stops, thinks long and hard and it's thoughts of Meg that make him hesitate. 

Meg, who has been creeping into his mind for the last three weeks, has once again turned his world upside down. She has once again taken over and has made him question life all over again and Castiel wonders if a middle ground is really that important to have in a relationship.

The thing is that the lack of middle ground hadn't been the only reason why they had broken up and Castiel knows it. Meg had been everything a rebellious Castiel with needs for things that would let him escape reality wanted. She was a hurricane Castiel wanted to be in the middle of and seeing her again had brought the great memories they had together.

Castiel sees the way Dean's shoulders shake, silently crying. Standing there, seeing the man he loves so dearly, because Castiel is sure he does, it brings about the terrible memories Meg and Castiel had together as well. The real reasons why they hadn't worked out.

It's that moment that pushes him to profusely apologize, leads him to get on his knees and propose all over again and confess how much he loves Dean. Because he does. If there is anything Castiel loves more than anything in life, it's Dean Winchester.

There's not enough room in Castiel's heart for anything else, no matter how much he had loved her, than the love he feels for Dean. It is also what makes him get back on his feet, pull his beloved into his arms and hug him and hold onto him like Dean's going to disappear before pulling him into their bedroom and making love to him the only way Dean deserves to be loved.

Castiel had loved Meg Master the way you love your first love, but he loves Dean the way you love unconditionally and forever. And four weeks later, when the big day comes, Castiel has no doubt in his mind that he made the right decision. The kind of love he has for Dean only comes once in a lifetime. And it's at the alter, as he vows to love Dean until his dying breath, that he also vows to himself that he will live the rest of his life proving his love and promises to Dean even in the afterlife and new other world.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading it you did. i'm a whore for validation so pls tell me what u think about it.


End file.
